I’ve always had interests and enjoyments that have set me aside from most of my friends around me. 80s ‘V’, ‘Doctor Who’, Hammer Horror, or horror in general, ‘Kolchak: The Night Stalker’, ‘Twin Peaks’, boardgames, collecting toys and even writing. Oh, and men, of course… Growing up, it was the same, but worse. Would I find a passion, a man, that would rule them all?
Coming out as gay when I was in my late teens, I was obviously keen to find others like me. Not just for the obvious attraction of trouser action, but so I didn’t feel so alien and alone. My school buddies were all heading off into their lives and I felt like mine was stalling. Writing this makes me feel ancient, but there wasn’t internet then, so meeting people involved phone dating and ‘the scene’ which I endured as a means to an end. It had it’s own culture–which was about youth and looks and dancing and hooking up–it was pubs and clubs. It wasn’t me, but I went with it.
Working shift work I only had random nights I could get out, so it was hard to plan much with anyone. But, it was the scene for me, and I started losing touch with my school buddies who I’d been a geek with. So, conversely, as I stepped out of the gay closet I stepped into the geek closet. I wasn’t meeting people who had geek interests other than a passing liking of things, or at least they weren’t sharing them on dates. I’d had enough rejection to risk suggesting watching ‘Doctor Who’ or playing my neglected copy of ‘Space Hulk’.
It was all about confidence in being myself. I’ve found that confidence over the years, but it’s because of my big geeky passion–my man. I met Rob 15 years ago–thanks to the Internet coming along–and have grown with him. It turned out he liked ‘Star Trek’ and ‘X-Files’, he even fancied watching ‘Babylon 5’ (which we did–all 5 seasons. Yes, even the rubbish last season), and we discovered ‘Buffy’ together, and would seek out sci fi and horror movies for dates and nights in, and went to geek conventions, exhibitions and philharmonic concerts together. Star Wars roleplay was a no no, but he’s begrudgingly playing geek boardgames, started collecting Star Trek stuff and taken up model-making as he embraces his own inner geek. Yes, we’re well on or way to sharing or midlife crises together. Which I think we’ll realise when we’re dressed as Arrow and Arsenal at a convention in the not to distant future.
This geek feels very lucky to have a companion who is also a geek. Someone who is loving, chilled, supportive of all my random dreams, will listen to all my story ideas, leaves me to write for days on end, will sit down and do Lego with me, and he’s even supported–encouraged–me in getting my Dalek. He’s now up for dressing up at conventions (cue midlife crisis I mentioned earlier). I can’t imagine having to keep my relationship geek free in fear of not being understood by a partner. The only relationship advice I would give a geek, is find a geek. Or, maybe a geek on the side, I dunno, whatever you and you’re significant other are up for I guess. No judgement.
The only downside to our relationship? Other than him not being able to sit through vintage ‘Doctor Who’ (a geek line too far) is that our home is going to look like a toyshop. But I can live with that. And as of yesterday we’re now husband and husband. I’m a very lucky geek indeed. I’m off to work on my cosplay costume while he works in his ‘Iron Man’ War Machine model kit. Happy days.